One-liners you can use

By Eddie Kantar Eddie Kantar

Courtesy of

When your partner is playing even worse than usual you might say:  “You know, you may not be the worst player in the world, …. but if that person should die….”

If you have the slightest touch of masochism, you’ll love this game.

Bridge is essentially a social game, but unfortunately it attracts a large number of antisocial people. 

South: Alert!  East: Yes? South: I’m requested to further misdescribe my hand. 

The difference between genius and stupidity at the bridge table is that genius has its limits. 

Years ago there were only two acceptable reasons for not leading partner’s suit: (1) having no cards in the suit; (2) a death wish.

I think we’re all a little masochistic. Otherwise, why would we continue to play bridge? 

We had a partnership misunderstanding. I assumed my partner knew what he was doing.

My partner is 20 years behind the times. he still thinks you need high cards to bid.

Your play was much better tonight and so were your excuses.  

If I did everything right, I wouldn’t be playing with you. 

Hear about the guy who led the 8 from a 98 doubleton because his teacher told him “eight ever, nine never?”

What do you call an eight-card suit?  Answer: Trumps

A lady is playing in her first duplicate hears an opponent say: “Alert”.  The lady says: “I am alert”.

Know the difference between a serial killer and a bridge partner? Answer: You can reason with the serial killer.

A married couple are not speaking to each other after a horrible game and are driving home from a distant bridge tournament. They pass by a field where there are many donkeys. The husband breaks the silence by asking the wife: “Relations of yours”?  “Yes” she says, “In-laws”.

Dummy apologizing for getting the partnership too high says: “I was hoping you had a second suit.”  Partner says: “I didn’t even have a first suit”.